How surrender— rewrote our house’s hardest season.

My heart is so full of love for Jesus, there doesn’t seem to be near as much room for fear these days, and that— is His timing!

After nearly a decade of managing chronic illness with duct tape, Google, grit, and dismissal—God made sure I was finally heard. Every locust year? He’s redeeming it, one step at a time.

And suddenly she was my little girl again- my little, baby, girl…

“It always seems impossible, until it is done.” Nelson Mandela

I believed in these words as this call to God, for Jesus to wrap Emma in all his light.

But let me tell you, even I wasn’t prepared for how that would truly show up.

That moment I almost passed on, can still bring me comfort .. and also rip my heart out.

A life she LIVED for 9 YEARS- when at 6 WEEKS old she had died multiple times.

Emma deserved that, she deserved us rallying for her, not just loving her but loving each other. Emma deserved to know and feel surrounded in that we would be OK, it was her gift to us.

What Emma couldn’t verbalize with words, she spoke loud and clear heart to heart with her eyes. An image, a feeling I will never forget.

The last time we embraced like that, was the first day Emma stopped breathing at 6 weeks old and I’d rushed into the PICU at St. John’s Hospital tossing my bags to the side and grabbing her like all our lives depended on it.

In that moment I knew nothing else mattered to me, and I realized the details honestly never did.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Lao Tzu

Only, another plot twist… we had both already thought of the same place, only neither of us had verbalized it thus far.

For me, a diagnosis is the tool belt, and once you have it you can learn about it and begin to fill it with the tools that fit to operate as your best self.

I’m grateful in this past 12 months for all of the teachers I’ve encountered.

Per the norm, the sun was setting on our drive home and in an almost meditative gaze I saw that first star and by habit thought out loud in my mind-

All of the years you spend living in a space where you feel different but aren’t quite sure what or why, lean in to that and everything like a trust fall, (I'm serious) trust it.

“But you loved her? Yes. And she loved you? Yes. Then why did it end? Because love and compatibility are not always the same thing.” Sue M.Mao

What are 5 things you refuse to fake in life?

Thought provoking journal prompt, indeed.