The After I Didn’t Expect

After my consult for thyroid surgery I also had a CT cardiac score, just a looksies at the ol blood pump because apparently when you go into menopause your cholesterol goes up a smidgen without the estrogen.

Yes, menopause- because in early 2023 I had a painful multi cystic city growing on an ovary so they popped that out, kicker was they got in there and discovered growth had also started on the other ovary but they saw fit to leave it and just clean it off.

I told her, wish you wouldn’t have done that I’ll be back.

Sure enough barely a year later I was in for the removal of the other ovary early 2024 and insert menopause.

One thing I will tell you about menopause, it is far better than perimenopause- Miss Peri can kick rocks!

This also means 3 surgeries, 3 springs in a row now— jolly good time.

Anywho, my ticker looks great- additionally noted in the radiology report a couple of nodules in one lung, probably benign recommended follow up and with a more serious note to have that thyroid looked at based on nodule size.

Good news I was already on track to pop the thyroid, and my primary scheduled me for a follow up chest CT in 6 months with no worries.

Everything was looking to bigger and brighter things ahead.

I had a countdown on the fridge, each day happy to watch the number get smaller and smaller- subsequently the smaller the number was growing (anticipation) still came with it.

But never so happy was I to see the close of a chapter.

We had some busy work to bide the time til the second thyroidectomy, under the same roof, in just a short four months and change.

Josh, Sam and I made a pop up trip to the farm for some family time with our adult chil’ren and the grandchil’ren.

It was a blissful weekend, it’s cheesy how truly I am in love with our life.

Won into the first lottery for Savannah Bananas tickets and grabbed three for my sister, my daughter and myself we have that to look forward to in May!

Then the kids and I turned around jumped back up to the farm for more family visiting, and for Clara to take her own new car round about seeing everyone.

Enjoyed the lunar eclipse, taking in life with a little more grace for myself after meeting with the surgeon.

Reveling in how at peace I felt, letting myself relax a little differently.

Counting down the days, praying to not let worry creep in, Heavenly Father little concerns like keeping any major vocal cord injury at bay are trying to throw root but I know by Your grace as long as I wake up- I wake up, however that means.

I planned to stick in my own bubble the two weeks leading up to surgery day avoiding extra germs running ramped all around I wanted no delay- then the call was coming from inside the house…tell me how did both my kids end up with strep throat those weeks.

No sweat, I got checked rapid and culture for strep clear, it is going to still be ok. Up until this point my biggest stress was to avoid any delay, just to get on her schedule was already darn near 10 weeks from consult to surgery.

Preop appointment went well, another box checked off just 10 days to go.

Because we truly like a wild ride Mother Nature was popping off, without a doubt, celebrating with us and adding some major weather outbreaks smack dab on surgery day.

Our original plan was Joshua would take me down to Nashville for surgery with Clara and Sam taking care of the homefront and each other— to instead I had to tell Joshua as soon as I am out of surgery you need to head home to our babies, you keep the kids safe, I will be fine.

Arrival time for surgery was 11:00 am on April 2nd, 2025 with a start time set for 1:00 pm.

Storms set to start that evening closer to bedtime, it would all work out.

We arrived with time to spare, got checked in.. I checked the bathroom for escape windows those last minute jitters it all took so long to get here but showed up in the flash of a flood it did.

Once they take you back everything seems to happen so fast—

throw on the paper robe the icky sticky grippy socks (which my husband loves fyi) throw in the IV, nurse asks questions, anesthesiologist asks questions, finally the doc arrives confirms ever conversation previously, kiss your husband then off you go.

Apparently I wanted to wake up in the same room I went to sleep in and kept trying to wake up during surgery, keeping them on their toes trying to keep me asleep but otherwise thyroid removal went off without a hitch.

Per my usual it was still like watching paint dry, time for me to wake up, but come to I did and the nausea awoke with me.

A hospital bed ride to a room totally made that better.

Then as the bed skirted to a stop outside the room, this cute full of pep in her step capital E for encouraging nurse says we’re going to get you up and walk from here— SAY WHAT?!

I’m barely aware of my name, but let’s ride.

Unbeknownst to me we were going to the bathroom first, where we all witnessed I didn’t have the faculties about me to care.

She sits me down, just try to go before we get you on to bed and I kid you not this nurse went full on celebration when I peed—

Yes queen! You go!

Girl, surgery meds, all my goose was loose and you sat me on a commode— gravity is doing its job in this moment.

Wherewithal still lacking I vaguely notice her mentioning something missing on my gown and asking for another, as she approaches with said new gown I toss off the other which tickled the nurse— I guess she was going to gradually transition one to the next keeping my secrets safe and what not..

..who here hasn’t seen it, let’s keep trucking I need to lay down.

Throwing up comes next, that was fun, not as bad as I anticipated but at least that next drug they squished through the IV- heaven! Whatever that is, why don’t they start there?

My poor Joshua was pacing by this time, it was now on around 6:00 pm, later than I imagined it taking and the storms were ready. After he brings me my things it’s a kiss goodbye and me left to (trying) to watch the flinstones in between the satellite going out from the storms.

Dare I make mention of sending too many "please pray for my husband and family videos" -Momma shouldn’t have her phone post op is what we've learned here.

Considering the day lacked in excitement, we began to make up for it in the night with alarms going off in the hospital, first code yellow tornado I guess that is just a preface like a watch— but code orange tornado, they move e’erybody round to rooms without windows can’t even watch the storm anymore.

Suffice to say it was a long night, ending with the crappiest prison breakfast delivered much earlier than the 8:00 am that little manchild vital checker told me it would be.

Uncharacteristically so, followed by my surgeon who came in bright and early not only was that a surprise so was she, I was originally told her counterpart would be the one I was seeing not both of them.

She said everything went well, they did take some lymph nodes, but after Clara’s surgery I figured they just do that pretty standard they’re already in there and it hurts nothing to take them.

Glad I called Joshua earlier to get on the way down and break me out of the pokey, we didn’t get that luxury with Clara it was mid afternoon before discharge came around.

We were off headed home before 10:00 am, pain managed by OTC Tylenol, nausea/vomiting under control and my new higher dose of thyroid medicine underway.

I was excited for the after.

You know the significant times and events of life where you denote that there was the before, now I am in the after.

We are on the other side now.

I am home.

I get to lay around on the couch for days binge watching tv, reading, journaling— actually letting myself rest.

Aside from that minor blip where I felt like I was going to pass out and die on the crapper that one night, and in a tornado no doubt—I was feeling great the future was looking to be lit!

I read through my chart of the surgery because I forgot to ask if they’d send it off to path since there were no concerns, I wasn’t sure the standard. It did say it was sent.

One more box to check off then, waiting to my post op appointment to come April 21st where I’m sure it will be standard, they’d tell me everything looks like it’s healing nicely do you have any questions and the after would most suredly ensue shortly after with bells on.

It was Tuesday April 8th, a day shy of one week post op cozy on the couch, my Nana’s couch, had just picked up my phone and the alert went off new test result my Vanderbilt app I was genuinely excited for this moment!

My eyes raced, I was seeing words but they weren't registering.

I was trying to holler Joshua! Babe! but that was a struggle seeing how a chunk of my voice is MIA since surgery, that’s a new fun experience.

Babe! finally squeaked enough, he joined me on the couch and I tried to mutter something along the lines of—

I have cancer, I don't understand what does this mean. It says lymph nodes, what does this mean.

Do you understand the magnitude of earth fall from beneath your feet disorienting reading metastatic carcinoma when you were having an elective thyroid removal surgery that came with more risks than benefit per your endocrinologist.

It’ll reset your clock back a minute.

I called my Toots, my Clara she was the first person I had to call- because of everything she went through and our fight for her, her doctor may have said I saved her life and I think, I needed to thank her for saving mine.

I tried again to read this, it’s like my eyes couldn’t even focus on the words but to stammer it’s, it says it’s in my lymph nodes what does this mean?

I needed to shower, water soothes my soul but then all I wanted was to go to church.

I know the building isn’t the church, the people are the church- but it was in that building I met these people who led me to build an entirely differently relationship with Jesus.

I may not know what God has ahead for my flesh in this, but I am grateful of the gift knowing my relationship with God and eternal life is more solid than it has ever been.

He got me here, His plan for our church family to enter our life at the time it did has given me more peace than I can spell out.

My heart is so full of love for Jesus, there doesn’t seem to be near as much room for fear these days, and that— is His timing!

We called family, and I felt mostly at peace.

We caught Clara's before it transitioned to true cancer and her fight motivated me to speak up, one more time, for myself.

Then I was still wide awake, late and I typed the exact diagnosis into Google— don’t do that.

I cried myself to sleep, and tears falling are what woke me when the sun was up, maybe I cried most of the night.

You can understand something and still have it break your heart.

My doctor, in November, she told me my ultrasound was ok we would repeat in a year that is when I asked her to discuss further at my upcoming appointment.

Remember she said “I don’t recommend surgery purely because of autoimmune thyroid disease. It would expose you to the risks of surgery, and I don’t have evidence that anything would improve afterward! In fact, anecdotally many of the women I have talked with actually feel worse without their own thyroid.”

Who expected to open a lab result posted to the patient portal from an elective surgery and read carcinoma left lobe, metastatic in perithyroidal lymph nodes.

I thought the after was my, after near on a decade of fighting for my (unremarkable to physicians) thyroid health, being on the road to feeling any degree of better.

I didn’t know my after, was going to include cancer.

Two days later my endocrinologist called me, she greeted me normally and asked how I was doing—

You didn’t listen to me—

All things considered I’m fine.

I said I hope you can understand person to person, I won’t ever trust you telling me I am fine- ever again.

I told her I wasn’t angry with her but under the circumstances, I went from having a surgery “I didn’t need” to finding out I have cancer.

She did go through everything with me, for now she is still my physician and as long as she understands I am not resting until I have a full head to toe look under the hood, I am not trusting bloodwork at this point, it had already crossed the street to the lymph nodes.

We don’t know if it’s possibly in any more lymph nodes, we don’t know if it has went further than that. All we know is thyroid cancer with metastasis to two of the four lymph nodes the surgeon took.

She seemed passive about how it’s a multiple day process, LADY I have the time! That part is up to me!

What twilight zone am I living in?

The pediatrician was insistent Clara, my young daughters thyroid was fine based on one lab. She insisted just because it presents differently doesn’t mean anything is wrong. Caught it in time. PreCancer.

My nodules have been growing for 9 years, one biopsy at the beginning, with an ultrasound just a few months prior deemed fine even with a couple scored TI-RADS 4: suspicious nodules— the next step up from that is TI-RADS 5: probably malignant nodules and then TI-RADS 6: biopsy proven malignancy which they weren’t even considering a biopsy, the continued growth and increased pain. Better luck next time. Metastasized Cancer.

Endocrinologist trusts the surgeon is a fantastic surgeon sure about her getting it all and while sure as snot yes I agree she is a fantastic surgeon- SHE took my lymph nodes even though it wasn’t discussed, because no one even knew I had cancer. She did me a huge favor in catching that!

But cancer it was, that no one was suspecting of— so RESPECTFULLY a full scan should be the least they can do, I'm thankful for the surgeon taking the initiative and getting additional cancer out of my body.

Those lung nodules, gonna need to know that is unrelated.

In the meantime after my surgeon told me to follow up with my endocrinologist, I had asked her for another referral considering the circumstances and she so kindly obliged by scheduling that appointment for me.

I meet my new endocrinologist June 23rd.

For now, I have a new countdown until the first next step checking cancer markers and for the next step that gets decided based on that information.

For now- I have cancer.

Cancer doesn’t stop you from living life— unless you decide to stop living it. So, I’ve still got things to do!

Take good care and travel safe,

Sami